On trying to be superwoman

You may notice my lack of posts of late, and the reason is simple.  When I think of writing a blog, I only think of bad things to say.  :(  Work has been extremely life-consuming and enormously frustrating, to be honest.  When I get home, I crash emotionally as well as physically and writing a blog that anyone would want to read sounds like a joke. :)  Of course there are moments when I forget about work, but I am normally enjoying them with Mr. Man and I don't want to leave him to write, as you must understand.  We don't get much time together.


Turns out, I have tried to be superwoman my whole life.  (Not completely without relying on Jesus)

I was the kind of kid that wanted to be a grown up.  I tied my shoes at 2 years old and my parents would hear me yell in my sleep "I DO IT!!"

I have always been the older sibling, and was "babysitting" them for as long as I can remember.  I even helped homeschool them a little bit.  (And the moment I turned 13 I was on everyone in the church's babysitting and housesitting lists).

I was involved in my church, teaching Sunday School, singing in choir, youth group worship team, VBS... the whole nine yards, starting as soon as I became a teenager.

Then in high school I extra-curriculared myself to death: Academic Decathlon, volunteering in the library, clubs... and took Advanced and AP classes... maintained above a 4.0 GPA... perfect attendance.  (Yeah, a lot of you reading already hate me.)  Oh, and I started driving and working right when I turned 16.

Then came college... when I took on a double emphasis in music, took over 18 units almost every semester, worked, was section leader, TA, secretary, and above for choirs... interned with a local Christian school's choral instructor... (and got mono senior year).

THEN I planned my whole wedding (I did have help from some very special ladies).

Insert about 6 months of "down time" where my job was not stressful, but Mr. Man's unemployment and me being moved to part time was.

THEN comes now.  I currently run Black Bear Diner Sacramento's accounts payable, HR (encompassing the MESS that is employee paperwork), and payroll "departments," I work with the inventory system, I have my foot in marketing and banquets, I keep up ordering some supplies for the restaurant, I manage the gift shop inventory and stocking, I field fundraising and advertising opportunities, I chase the managers around with my papers trying to get them to take a second and give me stuff I need to do my job... and I am supposed to be tracking daily sales, deposits, etc. (but that hasn't happened yet).  And that's just the defined stuff.  I was hired to be assistant to the owner, so often I pick up overflow off her enormous plate of stuff she's trying to do.  And I also work a little bit with her other businesses, although that is not happening much right now either.
And the restaurant industry has an element that I have never experienced at this level:  DRAMA.  On top of trying to juggle my duties, I am pulled in to an insane amount of drama, and let me tell you: I. hate. drama.

(oh, and I s'pose housework and laundry doesn't really count)

So there you have it.  And as you might have guessed, my best superwoman impression isn't enough to handle this job right now, and I am worn out.  I am having to learn how to let out aggression and frustration quickly, how to be ok with things not being perfect, and how to be satisfied with my best even when it's not enough. 

I am unspeakably grateful that I have the assurance that this is a learning time period planned by my Jesus, and not just "my life sucks."  Although I struggle with remembering it, He has a perfect plan and reason for everything. :)  And I would be remiss if I didn't mention how grateful I am for my wonderful husband, who has frustrations too working at the same place, but who is a constant encouragement to me.  The Lord is gracious to give us something solid and happy in the midst of such a raging sea of... mess.

(AND it's Christmas, and I am SO incredibly in love with it... when I get a second to remember what day it is.)   :)