Happiness

Well I hope you had a beautiful Christmas. I sure did. It is absolutely amazing to be a part of two families at once. I get to enjoy each family for its uniqueness, but also the unifying love of Jesus we all share. I got to have two Christmas mornings on Christmas day, both concentrating on the fact that we were celebrating Jesus' Birthday, or more specifically, the fact that He came to earth to save our sin-sick souls. I had a wonderful time giving presents to the families that I love, eating food that my stomach hated, playing games with Dad, helping Mom in the kitchen (yes, you should be proud), watching Pop get more excited than I ever remember being at 6am, Mom Cindy's excited face when all of her kids gasped upon opening their HDTVs... it all amounted to love. I experienced more love this Christmas than I have in a long time.

I'm fairly certain that the reason that I had an awesome Christmas filled with love was not because I got awesome gifts, or even that I have a fiance, but because Jesus is re-opening my heart. Life sucks, to be blunt, and my heart has only had a shallow opening to its shell for the last 5 years, hardened by bitterness, anger, pessimism, pain, and hopelessness. Thankfully, Jesus helped Corey to find that shallow opening 2 1/2 years ago, and He has been using Mr. Man to melt the walls. Now, after leaving the environment that was encouraging my heart to be hard, the walls are melting much faster, allowing me to love more, be loved, and be filled with the joy of the Lord again.

Side Rant

I just wanted to tell the world that I am not feeling stressed about my wedding! The plans are going smoothly, and I believe we are rather on top of things. So far, at least. hehe. I am also getting an excited butterfly growing underneath my gut. Each day creeps closer to the wedding, and it gets bigger and bigger and harder to ignore. Mind you, this is an excited butterfly, not a nervous one. All the nervous butterflies can go to your gut. :P

And, by the way, who actually makes their target "wedding weight" anyways? Good grief. That's what I get for having a wedding around the holidays. And I honestly don't mind. For the first time in a long time, I've shaken the self-consciousness that has plagued me for at least 4 years.
Yes, I am a woman, and I have very seriously been embarrassed of my body. A couple of the reasons have to do with specific people, but MOSTLY the reason is called "Los Angeles." Or, specifically, the Santa Clarita Valley, that black hole that sucks away all your contentment and self-esteem. Everyone there is discontent and made out of plastic, trying in vain to purchase happiness with their credit cards. And, of course, I had the pleasure of working retail in that environment, and it honestly messed me up. For example, a co-worker at Banana Republic: probably under 5'2" WITH tall heels, altered top half (if you know what I mean), and a flat tummy. She would constantly say she was "soooo fat" and grab at her flat stomach to make it bulge a little. My body type is not that of a flat tummy (and it never will be) and I would just feel so awful hearing her say that every day. Then take all the ladies that came into the store every day wearing the clothes that I wish would look good on me, and complaining that they have to lose more weight. Oh, happy day, I do not work there or live there anymore, and I am comfortable again! It also helps to have a man that loves you for the way you are.

Rant done, commence wedding planning again. :)

The older I get, the more aware I become of my imperfections

So a couple days ago I donated a dollar to St. Jude's Hospital for Children at CVS Pharmacy when I was picking up my prescription. I think that was the very first time I said yes to something like that, and it was awesome. You know how the person on the other side of the counter just asks out of habit and expects to hear "no, not today..."? I think she was surprised that I said yes. St. Jude's has a specialist in cancer in A-T children (A-T is the name of my sister's disorder, www.atcp.org) and they had a fundraiser with Chili's a while back that I didn't get to take advantage of, so I was excited, even if it was just a dollar. I'm hoping they're still doing it when I go back this month. Do you ever say yes to those sorts of things?

Biggest event of this week so far was the snow! Penn Valley doesn't normally get snow, apparently, but this was a "big'un." I think we had 6 inches or so. I was making coffee in the wee hours of the morning and looked out the window and gasped like a little girl. I ran and turned off the lights, stuck my head inside the curtain and just looked at it. Too bad I still had to work.

Also, Christmas is coming! I am 10 million times more excited this year than I have been for the past 4 years. College apparently sucks all the festive-ness out of you... or at least it did for me. I'm getting all cozy and warm fuzzied and excited. :) I'm so excited to have a two-family-ed Christmas this year, and to give everyone their presents. hehe.

On a sort of silly note, I wish my fingers would actually get warm for once. Good grief. AND I've been craving a Snickers bar REALLY badly for the last 24ish hours. :P

Do you want to start counting down with me? Only 32 days until I don't have to say good night anymore!! Planning is still fine... not freaking out too much yet. We've had a couple of snags, but all things considered we're lookin' good. I hope everyone remembers to RSVP!

If you're an observant person, you have noticed that the title of this blog post has nothing to with its contents. Well, that is because I am currently emotionally disjointed, maybe because my fingers are cold, and I do not have the stamina to discuss the fact that the older I get, the more aware I become of my imperfections. It's just true.

God is good, all the time

hm... if I am not careful this post could turn into a novel, as I have had so many things I've wanted to blog about recently - little things. Like the fact that I get to watch the sunrise every morning from my kitchen window while I make coffee, or the fact that I'm done Christmas shopping, or the fun Grandma-like lady who is doing our cakes for the wedding, or that my house is really starting to feel like MY home. Maybe things like how awesome Muse's new album is, or how I get to help in my dad's advanced women's choir rehearsal a few times before their concert, or about my freezing trip to the snow with the Hunts to cut down Christmas trees. Or something about the chickens that poop on our porch, or the stress of finding music to play at the reception, or how much I loved the beautiful fall-colored vineyards on the way to Napa for Thanksgiving... but alas, you do not have time to read about all of those things, and I do not have time to write about them.

BUT I do have a couple things worthy of spending a little time on.

First, if you were asked to (in one minute) decide on ONE word to give me for marriage advice, what would you say? The ladies (of all ages) at my bridal shower in Hollister were asked this, and I was very intrigued by their answers. I thought you might be as well, so I decided to type them up:

• tolerance
• blind
• compromise
• work-hard - she sort of cheated ;)
• humility
• unconditional
• sleep
• romance
• forgive
• date
• laugh - #1
• listen
• thoughtfulness
• cherish
• compassion
• enjoy - #1
• laugh - #2
• laugh - #3
• flexibility
• grace
• enjoyment - #2
• selflessness
• omnipresence
• respect
• sharing
  

I think my favorite thing is that the word "laugh" came 3 times and the word "enjoy" came twice, because these might be the two words that describe Corey and I the most... with maybe a "silly" thrown in there. :)

Secondly, I know this is a little late, but I couldn't resist talking about what I am thankful for this year. I have so many reasons to be thankful to Jesus for his blessings in my life! Here we go:

1. Of course, an obvious one would be my wonderful fiance. I wish I could describe my thankfulness to the Lord for giving us to each other. He (the Lord) has used Corey's love for me to teach me so much about the magnitude of His love for each of us. I can honestly say that I am the happiest I ever remember being in the arms of my man. He is home.
2. I know many people are grateful for their families, and it might seem repetitive, but isn't it wonderful that there are families who still love each other in this rotten world? I am grateful on a base level that my family is not broken up by divorce, feuds, or anger. My heart goes out to those who hate being with their families on Thanksgiving. How blessed I am! On a greater level, I am grateful to the point of tears for the love and support of my family.
   
3. I am grateful specifically for my grandparents. Grandma "Ready-Set" Judy is an amazing example of clinging to Jesus with her whole soul, and finding her joy in Christ. Grammie and Grampie in Oregon love me and have helped with the wedding more than I deserve. I am a rotten sort of granddaughter who doesn't try hard enough to stay in touch with her grandparents. If you are that sort of grandkid, might I suggest you fix it as I am trying to do?
4. My job is such a wonderful thing. Corey's job is such a wonderful thing. We are both employed and making money (however little). Praise Jesus.
5. I am grateful for Jennifer Marie Cronk. I think I will cry if I try to say any more. Dang, too late. I love you, Jenny, and I am ecstatic that you are happy.
   
6. I am so thankful to be done with college! I did not realize how horrible the college lifestyle was for me until I was done with it. I worked myself so hard, the only possible way that I survived was Jesus. I am grateful for my time there, and grateful to be well equipped to face the adult world, but YAY that I'm done!
7. There are several other shallow-er things that I am thankful for, such as a car that works, technology that enables me to keep in contact with my friends, and music that can express the emotion of my soul. God is good, all the time.