Cares

I really shouldn't be writing this right now because I have so much to do, but the need to express myself has peaked, thus the shortness of this post.

Once you lose "carefree" does it ever come back?  It is a definite statement that I have lost it.  The "cares" have completely outweighed me.  And if you've read this blog for a while, you know that has been true for a long time. Why does responsibility have to feel so heavy? 

But then I wonder, am I supposed to have a carefree existence?  Jesus wasn't carefree.  Although He had an unfathomably bigger job on Earth than I do.

Maybe I should stop wishing I could be carefree, and start prioritizing my "cares" and make sure they are in the right place.  Maybe my caring is a gift.

But then I feel like I am doing that, but I have too many "cares" to fit in my schedule or in my emotional capacity.  Where is the line between caring and caring too much that I am stretched too thin?

I suppose it would do to explain what I mean by "cares."  Let's make lists, I love lists.
These are just some examples, mind you.

Superficial cares:
- I want to eat whatever I want, but I want to lose weight.
- I want time to myself to read a book, paint my nails, bake, etc. (the list goes on and on)
- I don't want to do chores
- I want to pursue more music
- I will never have enough money to travel like I want to

Not-as-superficial cares in no particular order:
- my husband
- each of my family members, individually and collectively
- my husband's family, who is really my family in my heart
- my grandparents
- fundraising a cure for my sister's disorder
- my voice students
- finances, future, debt (isn't that one a huge bundle)
- my job (that needs its own list)
- each of my precious friends - there are so many and there are like 10 that I can count off the top of my head that I want to pour my life into, talk to every day, be there for every second, and soooo many more that I would love to grow into that kind of relationship
- spending time with my niece and nephew before they grow up too quickly
- those in need in other countries!  the starving children, the homeless, the sex-trafficked children, the women who need me to buy their product to support their new livelihood, the Haitians... that's another list too
- those in need in MY country!
- those in need in my city... in my church...
- friends going on mission trips that I want to support...

I had better stop because I could keep going. 

How do I keep myself from being ripped apart by these cares?  There is no answer but Jesus, and still even though I know that in my heart, I have no idea how.   How do I know where that line is?  Am I supposed to plunge headlong into my cares and give them to Jesus and expect to be emotionally stable?  I am only one little girl, I cannot accomplish all that I can imagine.


"Cast your burden on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." - Psalm 55:22.  

"When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul." - Psalm 94:19

My cares or burdens are absolutely minuscule to what God feels for His people.  He understands what I feel.  I have to start there.