Happiness

Well I hope you had a beautiful Christmas. I sure did. It is absolutely amazing to be a part of two families at once. I get to enjoy each family for its uniqueness, but also the unifying love of Jesus we all share. I got to have two Christmas mornings on Christmas day, both concentrating on the fact that we were celebrating Jesus' Birthday, or more specifically, the fact that He came to earth to save our sin-sick souls. I had a wonderful time giving presents to the families that I love, eating food that my stomach hated, playing games with Dad, helping Mom in the kitchen (yes, you should be proud), watching Pop get more excited than I ever remember being at 6am, Mom Cindy's excited face when all of her kids gasped upon opening their HDTVs... it all amounted to love. I experienced more love this Christmas than I have in a long time.

I'm fairly certain that the reason that I had an awesome Christmas filled with love was not because I got awesome gifts, or even that I have a fiance, but because Jesus is re-opening my heart. Life sucks, to be blunt, and my heart has only had a shallow opening to its shell for the last 5 years, hardened by bitterness, anger, pessimism, pain, and hopelessness. Thankfully, Jesus helped Corey to find that shallow opening 2 1/2 years ago, and He has been using Mr. Man to melt the walls. Now, after leaving the environment that was encouraging my heart to be hard, the walls are melting much faster, allowing me to love more, be loved, and be filled with the joy of the Lord again.

Side Rant

I just wanted to tell the world that I am not feeling stressed about my wedding! The plans are going smoothly, and I believe we are rather on top of things. So far, at least. hehe. I am also getting an excited butterfly growing underneath my gut. Each day creeps closer to the wedding, and it gets bigger and bigger and harder to ignore. Mind you, this is an excited butterfly, not a nervous one. All the nervous butterflies can go to your gut. :P

And, by the way, who actually makes their target "wedding weight" anyways? Good grief. That's what I get for having a wedding around the holidays. And I honestly don't mind. For the first time in a long time, I've shaken the self-consciousness that has plagued me for at least 4 years.
Yes, I am a woman, and I have very seriously been embarrassed of my body. A couple of the reasons have to do with specific people, but MOSTLY the reason is called "Los Angeles." Or, specifically, the Santa Clarita Valley, that black hole that sucks away all your contentment and self-esteem. Everyone there is discontent and made out of plastic, trying in vain to purchase happiness with their credit cards. And, of course, I had the pleasure of working retail in that environment, and it honestly messed me up. For example, a co-worker at Banana Republic: probably under 5'2" WITH tall heels, altered top half (if you know what I mean), and a flat tummy. She would constantly say she was "soooo fat" and grab at her flat stomach to make it bulge a little. My body type is not that of a flat tummy (and it never will be) and I would just feel so awful hearing her say that every day. Then take all the ladies that came into the store every day wearing the clothes that I wish would look good on me, and complaining that they have to lose more weight. Oh, happy day, I do not work there or live there anymore, and I am comfortable again! It also helps to have a man that loves you for the way you are.

Rant done, commence wedding planning again. :)

The older I get, the more aware I become of my imperfections

So a couple days ago I donated a dollar to St. Jude's Hospital for Children at CVS Pharmacy when I was picking up my prescription. I think that was the very first time I said yes to something like that, and it was awesome. You know how the person on the other side of the counter just asks out of habit and expects to hear "no, not today..."? I think she was surprised that I said yes. St. Jude's has a specialist in cancer in A-T children (A-T is the name of my sister's disorder, www.atcp.org) and they had a fundraiser with Chili's a while back that I didn't get to take advantage of, so I was excited, even if it was just a dollar. I'm hoping they're still doing it when I go back this month. Do you ever say yes to those sorts of things?

Biggest event of this week so far was the snow! Penn Valley doesn't normally get snow, apparently, but this was a "big'un." I think we had 6 inches or so. I was making coffee in the wee hours of the morning and looked out the window and gasped like a little girl. I ran and turned off the lights, stuck my head inside the curtain and just looked at it. Too bad I still had to work.

Also, Christmas is coming! I am 10 million times more excited this year than I have been for the past 4 years. College apparently sucks all the festive-ness out of you... or at least it did for me. I'm getting all cozy and warm fuzzied and excited. :) I'm so excited to have a two-family-ed Christmas this year, and to give everyone their presents. hehe.

On a sort of silly note, I wish my fingers would actually get warm for once. Good grief. AND I've been craving a Snickers bar REALLY badly for the last 24ish hours. :P

Do you want to start counting down with me? Only 32 days until I don't have to say good night anymore!! Planning is still fine... not freaking out too much yet. We've had a couple of snags, but all things considered we're lookin' good. I hope everyone remembers to RSVP!

If you're an observant person, you have noticed that the title of this blog post has nothing to with its contents. Well, that is because I am currently emotionally disjointed, maybe because my fingers are cold, and I do not have the stamina to discuss the fact that the older I get, the more aware I become of my imperfections. It's just true.

God is good, all the time

hm... if I am not careful this post could turn into a novel, as I have had so many things I've wanted to blog about recently - little things. Like the fact that I get to watch the sunrise every morning from my kitchen window while I make coffee, or the fact that I'm done Christmas shopping, or the fun Grandma-like lady who is doing our cakes for the wedding, or that my house is really starting to feel like MY home. Maybe things like how awesome Muse's new album is, or how I get to help in my dad's advanced women's choir rehearsal a few times before their concert, or about my freezing trip to the snow with the Hunts to cut down Christmas trees. Or something about the chickens that poop on our porch, or the stress of finding music to play at the reception, or how much I loved the beautiful fall-colored vineyards on the way to Napa for Thanksgiving... but alas, you do not have time to read about all of those things, and I do not have time to write about them.

BUT I do have a couple things worthy of spending a little time on.

First, if you were asked to (in one minute) decide on ONE word to give me for marriage advice, what would you say? The ladies (of all ages) at my bridal shower in Hollister were asked this, and I was very intrigued by their answers. I thought you might be as well, so I decided to type them up:

• tolerance
• blind
• compromise
• work-hard - she sort of cheated ;)
• humility
• unconditional
• sleep
• romance
• forgive
• date
• laugh - #1
• listen
• thoughtfulness
• cherish
• compassion
• enjoy - #1
• laugh - #2
• laugh - #3
• flexibility
• grace
• enjoyment - #2
• selflessness
• omnipresence
• respect
• sharing
  

I think my favorite thing is that the word "laugh" came 3 times and the word "enjoy" came twice, because these might be the two words that describe Corey and I the most... with maybe a "silly" thrown in there. :)

Secondly, I know this is a little late, but I couldn't resist talking about what I am thankful for this year. I have so many reasons to be thankful to Jesus for his blessings in my life! Here we go:

1. Of course, an obvious one would be my wonderful fiance. I wish I could describe my thankfulness to the Lord for giving us to each other. He (the Lord) has used Corey's love for me to teach me so much about the magnitude of His love for each of us. I can honestly say that I am the happiest I ever remember being in the arms of my man. He is home.
2. I know many people are grateful for their families, and it might seem repetitive, but isn't it wonderful that there are families who still love each other in this rotten world? I am grateful on a base level that my family is not broken up by divorce, feuds, or anger. My heart goes out to those who hate being with their families on Thanksgiving. How blessed I am! On a greater level, I am grateful to the point of tears for the love and support of my family.
   
3. I am grateful specifically for my grandparents. Grandma "Ready-Set" Judy is an amazing example of clinging to Jesus with her whole soul, and finding her joy in Christ. Grammie and Grampie in Oregon love me and have helped with the wedding more than I deserve. I am a rotten sort of granddaughter who doesn't try hard enough to stay in touch with her grandparents. If you are that sort of grandkid, might I suggest you fix it as I am trying to do?
4. My job is such a wonderful thing. Corey's job is such a wonderful thing. We are both employed and making money (however little). Praise Jesus.
5. I am grateful for Jennifer Marie Cronk. I think I will cry if I try to say any more. Dang, too late. I love you, Jenny, and I am ecstatic that you are happy.
   
6. I am so thankful to be done with college! I did not realize how horrible the college lifestyle was for me until I was done with it. I worked myself so hard, the only possible way that I survived was Jesus. I am grateful for my time there, and grateful to be well equipped to face the adult world, but YAY that I'm done!
7. There are several other shallow-er things that I am thankful for, such as a car that works, technology that enables me to keep in contact with my friends, and music that can express the emotion of my soul. God is good, all the time.
   

"A little Dr. Plew is good for the soul"

Well since moving into our little place on Halloween, I've not had internet at home. It is supposed to be coming eventually... but I'm wondering when that will be...
So I haven't had any time but lunch at work to be on the computer (and some occasional times at Corey's house). There has been so much I've wanted to tell the blog world... or more like I've wanted to write about to get things off my chest, but alas, the details have to wait for later.

A couple big things:

I am currently doing a "body balancing" diet because I have had stomach trouble for the last 8ish months and I've had several tests and there's "nothing wrong with me." Therefore, I have to eat what is just right for my body and keep it balanced and happy. So far, this means more raw foods (yucky veggies and yummy fruit), less meat (and NO red meat *sob*), no refined flours like white breads or hamburger buns, no caffeine, eating smaller dinners, NEVER snacking, nothing spicy... and that's all I can remember right now. I'm basically in a period of guessing what my body doesn't like and trying to fix it. So far it's been working (mostly) and my stomach troubles have been less... and I feel much better than I have for a while. Also my particular body type apparently needs vigorous exercise. Joy of my life.

I went to LA last weekend! I had a FANTABULOUS bridal shower with all the girlies I love, went to my favorite oasis in LA: the Getty, hung out with my maid of honor, went to see Opera Scenes (first time I sat through one), kept tradition and got a BJs pizookie, and had lunch with Dr. Plew. What? Oh, yes, I had lunch with Dr. Plew, and let me tell you "folks" - a little Dr. Plew is good for the soul. For those of you who do not have the extreme privilege of knowing Dr. Paul Timothy Plew, he is the music department head at The Master's College, a short, dynamic sort of man who loves Jesus so much and has a passion for choral music like none I've ever seen. I learned SO much from him in college just by watching him conduct and lead our choirs, and I had the honor of serving him as secretary in two choirs. I sat under his teaching, preaching, and worship leading and I can't describe the impact that man has had on my life. For those of you still at Master's, take advantage of what Dr. Plew has to offer you. Great men willing to pour their life into you are hard to find. Sure, you might have to seek him out, he is a busy man, but don't be scared. He's really just a big, excitable, musical teddy bear who can teach you how exude love for Jesus through your pores.

I don't have time for more... but it will come. :)

Hollerween

Well, first of all I hate Halloween. I think it really sunk in a couple years ago with a 5th grader that I was tutoring. She told me how excited she was for all of the Halloween decorations they were going to put up and their nasty scary outfits and I was pretty much disgusted that a young person could get so excited about dead people and gory nasty masks, etc. Dressing up isn't bad in and of itself, carving pumpkins is not bad (although I've never done it), and candy is definitely not bad... but the evil that our society puts into all of these things is awful. And the extra spiders everywhere don't do it for me either.

I had a good Halloween last year, though. Turtle and Mr. Man came down to LA and surprised me at Dr. Plew's "Reformation Party." It was funny because I'm not a big party person, and I was working that night at Banana Republic, and I told Mr. Man earlier that week that I didn't really want to go. He told me that if he found someone to hang out with that night then I should go to the party instead of sitting at home alone after work, and I agreed. So he told me the day of the party that he was going to go hang with some friends, so after work I reluctantly went to the party. I walked in, meandered through the people and was talking to some people in the back yard when I heard someone (who sounded remarkably like my then boyfriend) said "Hello there" (quote from Hot Fuzz, I don't recommend the movie). I thought to myself, "what the heck, who at this party sounds so much like my boyfriend, I must be really really tired." I turned around to see two guys dressed in hazmat suits with hoods, glasses, and even booties, and I had no idea who they were. I saw the shorter, stockier man and thought, "man, AND this guy looks like Turtle, I am seriously going nuts." And as everyone stood there for what seemed like forever in awkward silence, the realization very slowly (and I mean very slowly) dawned on me. By the time I came to grips with the fact that the love of my life was standing in front of me, I was too embarrassed and with-it to scream or jump up and down or anything, and my urge to rush and hug him was checked by the fact that he was in a hazmat suit that covered basically his whole face and head, and it was a little strange. So the first thing out of my mouth (after at least a minute) was, "Um, do you think you could take that off?" HAHA.

THIS Halloween, however, was also very momentous. I packed up all of my earthly belongings and moved into our little place in Penn Valley, where I will be living alone for the two months until we get married. Our little place has a lot of... character. and flies. There's cows across the street, and down the road is a large park with disc golf and all other park-like things, and further down the road is little quaint Penn Valley, with a laundromat and a market, and a couple other things I haven't explored yet. I s'pose you could call the town "hokey" if you wanted... but I already love it. Our little 600 sq. ft. place is surprisingly roomy with all the stuff in it, and I have a kitchen of my own. Some of the quirky things I have found so far during my two days of residence: the shower leaks onto the carpeted floor, and the shower head has to be pointed sideways or it goes over the top of the shower door; the only place in the house that you can go without being seen by a window is in the toilet "closet" that is covered only by a window shutter; you can hear the fridge noise while laying in bed; and the 20+ flies that moved in with me like to congregate on the ceiling fan and when you turn it on you feel like barfing. But I still love it. It is mine and it is Mr. Man's and we will be SO happy. I will try to post pictures soon-ish.

As far as the dressing up part of Halloween goes this year, we went to a costume game night at Jason and Christin's (future brother-in-law and wife) on Friday night. Corey dressed as a convict complete with tattoos and I dressed as his lawyer, using some of those clothes I don't wear anymore because I can wear jeans to work! It was fun, we ended up watching an older movie called Oscar (I do recommend this movie). Kaden (future nephew) is "one and a smidge" as Christin likes to say and he had a little monkey suit, and he was the highlight and star of the party. Turns out he likes his Auntie Crystal pretty well and that makes me dern happy.

a little bit of this... a little bit of that...

Where the Wild Things Are - I have never read the book, and Mr. Man and I went to see it Friday night. He had read the book as a child and was very happy to see it, and loved it. I, on the other hand, did not really enjoy it and I wouldn't necessarily want to see it again. Reasoning? The movie was entirely from a child's perspective. A child with a huge capacity for imagination and a child who uses this imagination to deal with hardships in his life. I was not a child with a huge capacity for imagination and I dealt (and still deal) with hardships in my life very differently. I was the kid that played grown up, hardly played with dolls, read books ahead of my years, and would rather be a secretary than a princess. I was always older than my age, responsible, and "boring." Thus, I could not relate to Max at all, and I contrive most of my enjoyment in things by relating to them. I appreciate the brilliant writing and filming that made it so truly like a child's imagination, but enjoying and appreciating is definitely different...

... kinda like how I appreciate Baroque music (in a very broad sense) and I enjoy Romantic music (also broad). That relating thing plays in with my classical music tastes as well. I relate to the emotion in music and that is where I find most of my enjoyment. The Romantic period (and following) of music is overflowing with emotional writing... the Russian composers... Puccini... Massenet... sigh. I went on Saturday to the NY Met Opera live HD broadcast of Verdi's Aida. That was amazing, because any live broadcast of opera that you can watch in your sweat pants in a movie theater is amazing. It was quite a spectacle, all of the Egyptian style sets and costumes. The music was also meant to be a spectacle at times, very huge and triumphant, representing the story of Egypt vs. Ethiopia in war. It was also very intimate (in the words of Renee Fleming) in the love and jealousy scenes. The mezzo-soprano that played Amneris, the jealous Pharaoh's daughter was very disappointing. Her acting was child-like and not fitting for her role or the time period, and she didn't open her mouth when she sang! I was sad because I love to watch the mezzo roles extra closely because I am a mezzo. But all that to say that I love opera! It was so refreshing to my soul to watch this amazing work of music performed by people at the top of their careers, singing for the NY Metropolitan Opera, and the camera brought me close enough to see the sweat on their faces. As soon as the orchestra started to play it was a wave of continuous goosebumps (maybe it was cold in there too). I miss music deeply.

This weekend we also found a cake lady and a flower lady (both named Barbara, ha!) AND we assembled invitations. Oh, and found a place for tuxes. I'm starting to feel a little more put together. And you should want to come to our wedding for the cake.

THIS Saturday I will officially embark on a 2 month journey of living by myself! I am moving to our little place in Penn Valley, me and my 5 boxes of belongings (just kidding, it's a little more than that). It will be a grand adventure! I can't have my mom make lunches for me anymore (which was a wonderful thing for the past 4 months... or is it 5?) and I might have to learn how to cook now. (ha!) Despite the fact that I will now have to get up at 6am, I think I will enjoy it, but I'm very glad it's only for 2 months... then Mr. Man will join me and I won't be lonely. (wait, I'm getting married in TWO months!! WEEE!)