On trying to be superwoman

You may notice my lack of posts of late, and the reason is simple.  When I think of writing a blog, I only think of bad things to say.  :(  Work has been extremely life-consuming and enormously frustrating, to be honest.  When I get home, I crash emotionally as well as physically and writing a blog that anyone would want to read sounds like a joke. :)  Of course there are moments when I forget about work, but I am normally enjoying them with Mr. Man and I don't want to leave him to write, as you must understand.  We don't get much time together.


Turns out, I have tried to be superwoman my whole life.  (Not completely without relying on Jesus)

I was the kind of kid that wanted to be a grown up.  I tied my shoes at 2 years old and my parents would hear me yell in my sleep "I DO IT!!"

I have always been the older sibling, and was "babysitting" them for as long as I can remember.  I even helped homeschool them a little bit.  (And the moment I turned 13 I was on everyone in the church's babysitting and housesitting lists).

I was involved in my church, teaching Sunday School, singing in choir, youth group worship team, VBS... the whole nine yards, starting as soon as I became a teenager.

Then in high school I extra-curriculared myself to death: Academic Decathlon, volunteering in the library, clubs... and took Advanced and AP classes... maintained above a 4.0 GPA... perfect attendance.  (Yeah, a lot of you reading already hate me.)  Oh, and I started driving and working right when I turned 16.

Then came college... when I took on a double emphasis in music, took over 18 units almost every semester, worked, was section leader, TA, secretary, and above for choirs... interned with a local Christian school's choral instructor... (and got mono senior year).

THEN I planned my whole wedding (I did have help from some very special ladies).

Insert about 6 months of "down time" where my job was not stressful, but Mr. Man's unemployment and me being moved to part time was.

THEN comes now.  I currently run Black Bear Diner Sacramento's accounts payable, HR (encompassing the MESS that is employee paperwork), and payroll "departments," I work with the inventory system, I have my foot in marketing and banquets, I keep up ordering some supplies for the restaurant, I manage the gift shop inventory and stocking, I field fundraising and advertising opportunities, I chase the managers around with my papers trying to get them to take a second and give me stuff I need to do my job... and I am supposed to be tracking daily sales, deposits, etc. (but that hasn't happened yet).  And that's just the defined stuff.  I was hired to be assistant to the owner, so often I pick up overflow off her enormous plate of stuff she's trying to do.  And I also work a little bit with her other businesses, although that is not happening much right now either.
And the restaurant industry has an element that I have never experienced at this level:  DRAMA.  On top of trying to juggle my duties, I am pulled in to an insane amount of drama, and let me tell you: I. hate. drama.

(oh, and I s'pose housework and laundry doesn't really count)

So there you have it.  And as you might have guessed, my best superwoman impression isn't enough to handle this job right now, and I am worn out.  I am having to learn how to let out aggression and frustration quickly, how to be ok with things not being perfect, and how to be satisfied with my best even when it's not enough. 

I am unspeakably grateful that I have the assurance that this is a learning time period planned by my Jesus, and not just "my life sucks."  Although I struggle with remembering it, He has a perfect plan and reason for everything. :)  And I would be remiss if I didn't mention how grateful I am for my wonderful husband, who has frustrations too working at the same place, but who is a constant encouragement to me.  The Lord is gracious to give us something solid and happy in the midst of such a raging sea of... mess.

(AND it's Christmas, and I am SO incredibly in love with it... when I get a second to remember what day it is.)   :)

So I been a'thinkin'...

You know those people whose "about me" sections are full of fun things like "I love to crunch leaves" or "I love the feeling of kneading dough"?  I always read those and think, "dang, how do they think of things like that, they must be just so full of life." I sigh, and go back to whatever I was doing, knowing that as a pessimist, I'm not very observant to the little things like that, and therefore I can never have a cool "about me" section of a profile.

So tonight I decided to make a list of little things that make me very happy and share them with you!  It was a really rewarding experience to dwell so long on things that make me happy. :)  You should try it.

• singing at the top of my lungs in the car
• the smell of wet trees
• the relief when my lower back cracks
• the moment my husband comes home
• hash browns
• sunsets while I'm driving
• the first few cold days (or sunny days) of the season
• when the grass is frosty and I get to be the first one to walk on it and make it crunch
• the first sip of coffee
• a clean house
• making my sister smile
• dress "shopping" (which really means, go try on a bunch of crazy dresses but don't buy anything)
• pie
• when the sun comes through the clouds in rays
• trees whose leaves turn red in the fall
• fun socks
• waves crashing on a rocky coastline
• days without mascara
• when you bite an apple and the whole piece snaps off
• buttermilk spice muffins from Mimi's
• listening to music my brother wrote
• long calls with galfriends
• the smell of the ocean in the air
• dreaming in French
• writing with purple pen
• birds chirping outside my window
• wearing something new for the first time
• the cello
• hugging my mom
• the smell of jasmine
• a nap on Sundays
• a kitty purring on my tummy
• window shopping at shiny things
• fresh peaches
• my dad or husband playing the guitar
• good hair days
• warm pumpkin scones
• when my nephew calls me "Coco"
• texts in the middle of the day from Mr. Man
• sweat pants and a ponytail
• the way my in-laws' dirt driveway sounds when we drive up
• green apple fruit snacks
• clean sheets
• pictures on my wall
• dark chocolate everything
• when you change lanes without hitting a bump
• choral music

What things make you happy?

A Baking Adventure

This is a very embarrassing tale of what happens when I try to bake while my husband is sleeping.

I have been planning to make banana bread ever since I bought more bananas than I knew I would have time to eat before they rot (rotted?).  This morning, Mr. Man is uncommonly (and a little scarily) exhausted and he is still sleeping, and I couldn't sleep past 8. :(  So I figured I would do a little cute wife-in-the-kitchen thing and make banana bread.  So I put on an old apron, put some music on, and began.

Step one, find a recipe.  I pulled out my America's Test Kitchen Baking cookbook (thank you, Firstbrooks) and found the banana bread recipe.  I had made it once before from this cookbook, so I pulled out a couple ingredients and started pouring dry ingredients into a bowl.  The little voices inside of me (mostly of my Mom and my husband) told me, "The first thing you do when you start a recipe is make sure you have all the ingredients."  ... and I ignored it.  Stupid thing #1. 

I mashed the 'naners and then discovered the recipe calls for plain yogurt.  Oops.  Sorry, Mom.  I looked up a substitution for yogurt: sour cream.  Nope.  Crap. 

At this point I am wishing my mom was available by phone.  Mental note: do not ever bake again by yourself.

Then I spent the next 20 minutes searching for a different recipe for which I had all the ingredients.  I had already measured the dry ingredients for the other recipe, and we're almost out of flour and sugar, so I was trying to find something I could still use my dry mix for.  Almost every recipe I came across needed something random that we don't have in the house (and if I ran to the store real quick, I'm sure Mr. Man would wake up and freak out because I was gone).  I eventually found a recipe that I decided to try even though I didn't have any ginger or shortening, and I had already put in 1/4tsp too much baking soda.  Stupid thing #2?  (We'll find out).  I starting mixing ingredients with my handy-dandy hand mixer, making a fantastic mess.  I substituted butter for the shortening because the internet said I could, and left the ginger out completely. 

I finished mixing everything together and then went to get the chocolate chips to fold in.  ...and I had left them on top of the stove that had been heating up for about 45 minutes.  Stupid thing #3.  Half the chips were completely melted.  And what did I do?  Squeezed the bag, got 1 cup worth of chocolate goo, and "folded" it in anyway.  Stupid thing #4?  ("I didn't come this far to NOT have chocolate in my dang banana bread!")

I stuck the pan in the oven, set the timer for 60 minutes (or so I thought), and then commenced taking care of the rest of the chocolate chip mess.  I squeezed the rest of the goop out into a measuring cup and stared at it, sampled some, and grunted out of frustration a couple times.  I wasted a whole bag of chocolate chips.  So... I grabbed the pretzels out of the pantry and decided maybe I would try to make chocolate dipped pretzels!  Great idea, right?  So I grabbed foil because we have no waxed paper and made another extraordinary mess.  The whole time I am thinking, "I don't think that chocolate chips are meant for this, I bet it's not even gonna work," but I felt valiant for trying to save my mistake.

Somewhere in the middle of that, I realize that I didn't press start on the timer.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Ugh.  Really, I'm NEVER cooking again.  I'm so glad Corey is asleep for all of this.

So I commenced cleaning up, making a third mess with the flour, ending up transferring the bag to one container... and then into two because the first one didn't fit it all.  Good grief.

I sat down to begin this blog post, checking on the bread a couple times.  I went to check on Mr. Man a couple minutes ago, making sure he was still breathing, and he woke up and said it smelled good.  I laughed and mumbled something about having a baking adventure and I couldn't tell him all about it until I finished my blog.  He said, "Oh no!  You put cheese in it, didn't you!"  He always knows how to make me feel better.

Then he came out and promptly started eating the pretzels, saying that I should have greased the foil and stuck it in the freezer.  Great.  The chocolate won't completely harden and pulls off the pretzel when you pick one up.  Oh well.  I tried.

The bread is now out of the oven, and I know the center is gooey, but I had to pull it out because the top was burning.  We'll see how it tastes.  I'm a little nervous.

At least I didn't put in baking soda instead of baking powder.

Apparently, when the moon is directly over your head, you weigh slightly less

This has to be a short post, unfortunately, because I NEED to sleep and I am procrastinating hoping that my man will come home before it's REALLY too late to wait up.  He's cooking tonight at the aforeblogged Black Bear Diner that opened yesterday (YAY!).  I put in an 11something hour day, came home, watched some Castle (YES!)... and I'm currently staring at the mess in my apartment wishing I had a little less zombie-ness so I could clean it.

FIRST I would like to blog a very happy birthday to Elizabeth Anne Grover, aka Lizzy, aka Porky.  This woman always puts the biggest smile on my face and laughter in my soul.  She amazes me in her capacity to love all people, animals, and things, and her loyalty to our friendship is my favorite.  I wish you the happiest last 30 minutes of your birthday, dearest, and I hope you are spending it sleeping instead of doing homework.  <3

ANYWHEYS, if you were to ask me how I am and how the diner is doing and you wanted to know the real answer, I would first say "I'm exhausted," which you would be able to tell by the look on my face before I said anything.  I am starting to get to dangerous exhaustion where my body says, "remember that since you had mono 2 years ago I SUCK and you can't handle being this tired?"  My second answer to your question would be "Really, really great!"  Jesus is SO good and I am so blessed with this job, with my family and my husband... Once you shave off the exhaustion, I am really a very happy woman inside.  The diner is doing just fine for being open for 2 days.  We have had busy dinners and not-so-busy breakfast (average lunch).  There's been emergencies, scares, confusion, drama, and mass chaos, but that's part of the package! :)  And overall, I believe guests are having a marvelous experience.


Here is a picature of me, Mr. Man, and Rrrrrandle at the diner, it's my favorite.  (Please note that I was in "casual" dress, as I actually had some time off at that moment.)

Bear-y Busy

So, sadly my blogging has slowed a little... not that you were hanging on the edge of your seat or anything....
BUT I have a good reason.  Let me give you a little update! 

We (meaning my boss and we the management team) are opening a Black Bear Diner in Natomas (W. El Camino and 80) the week of the 28th of this month!  Black Bear Diner, in case you haven't heard of it, originated in Mt. Shasta/Redding area of NorCal and is a cute family oriented, good ol' fashioned family cookin' type restaurant.  The theme, obviously, revolves around black bears, and I hope to take pics once we open of the cute decor and share them for those of you who can't come in person. 

So, naturally, opening a restaurant is a lot of work.  Especially for a relatively small team of people, of which I am one.  It is safe to say I had no idea how much actually goes into opening a business like this and I had no idea what I was signing up for!  While I am not unhappy or regretting "signing up" so to speak, I am thoroughly exhausted.  An average of 6 days a week and 55 hours a week - and a lot of mayhem and chaos.  We've had to postpone our opening a couple times (which is normal), but we are 98% sure of opening the 28th to the public!  My title is officially "Administration" which means I do everything.  I am the go-to, go-between, logistics manager, marketing manager, make-sure-everyone-does-what-they-should-be-doing person, paperwork chief, run-to-Walmart person, call-everyone-on-this-list person, "we haven't ordered that yet??!!" manager, and "let me move that to the top of the bosses priority list" lady.  (and SO much more)

SO, when I get home at night (sometimes 10:30pm) I hurry to relax (dumb) and do my severely neglected housework.  Oh, and sleep.  And thus, my blogging suffers.

BUT there will come a time when the restaurant is open and thriving (Lord willing) and I will be back to 40 hours a week and free-ish evenings.  And maybe a massage and a pedicure, hehe :)

I am definitely not used to working this much, and I have not been this tired since college.  I can't believe I was more than this exhausted for FOUR years!!  No wonder I had mono senior year. 

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention that my excellent husband has been hired as a line cook for the Black Bear Diner!  He has already started pre-training at the BBD in Sonoma, and he is rocking the house.  *Beaming*  He quit Chipotle (they were very sad to lose him) and the Diner will provide him with more money and more opportunities.  It's also more along the lines of what he really wants to be doing, working in a real kitchen.  And we kind of get to work at the same place.  Don't worry all you skeptical people, I won't be his boss in any way. =P

Has anybody ever been to a Black Bear before?  I hope that any of you local people will come visit after we are open!  We also have banquet facilities available, because I KNOW all of you have business meetings you need to schedule with us, haha.

Other than work, I have snuck in a little bit of fun with celebrating some birthdays and such, yay!  Here are a few of my pictures from the summer (the rest are on Facebook):

adorable nephew Kaden and Pop at Ikea

Mom, Dad, sister Cathryn, and me at Music Circus - 42nd Street

us'ns around Labor Day at Kaden and Pop's bday party

I don't like not understanding

I originally started this blog thinking that I would post sometimes about "deep thinking stuff."  Like my thoughts on feminism, or the Christian culture, or human pain, or what true love is, or my pet peeves about people...  but honestly, I hate conflict, and posting my deeper thoughts to the public is a recipe for drama.  No thanks.

BUT

When I have spent the last week seeing SO many girls come to apply for a family style restaurant in the most revealing and inappropriate of outfits, I have to think out loud a bit.  I really want to figure it out.  Do girls come to the interviews revealing so much because 1. that's what they wear every day and it's what their "personality" dresses like or 2. do they honestly think that it will impress the men interviewing them enough to score them a job?  OR 3. do they think that looks professional? or best yet, 4. do they even think at all?  Help me here, society, because I really don't get it.  Yeah, ok, so I'm a mildly conservative person and I think wearing revealing clothing is not a good idea in any public situation, but I really thought that a job interview, especially in today's market would bring out the best in people.  Logically.  Especially (if they read the ad) for a family-style restaurant?  Am I old-fashioned?  Let me clarify by saying that the immodesty I am talking about is extreme, supported by the opinions of the hiring managers I am working with.
And of course, if #2 is true, what does that say about the men in our society doing the hiring?  I heard someone postulate today that men hire girls that "dress to please" even for family style restaurants because married men with kids need something nice to look at.  If words could describe the contortions of my face...

Don't even get me started on the guy that came in with a dirty white tee and a big bright bracelet that said "boobies" on it.  That's another vent in and of itself.

Couchin' it up

The plan tonight was to be productive.  We haven't unpacked from our quick weekend trip to LA yet and there's laundry to do and grocery shopping to do... but somehow I can't move from the couch.  The same thing happened last night.  This is not good.  When Mr. Man came home at like 11:15 last night from class, I asked him sheepishly if it bothered him that I wasn't productive and he assured me he didn't mind.  It's nice to have a husband that understands when you worked all day and you just want to stare at the computer screen all evening.... two nights in a row.  All that to say that tonight is definitely not over, and maybe I will get up and do something yet.

My mind is not only fried from working a fairly insane day (a little long too), but it is heavy with concerns for people dear to me.  Several of my friends are experiencing painful life experiences right now and I just wish I could help.  Unfortunately, I live far away and words are all I have (which normally suck and aren't that helpful).  I am glad that they all have Jesus to comfort them.  This world is just so full of pain, I see it everywhere!  I find myself often saying this little motto:  "Life sucks, Marriage is great, and Jesus is best."

By the way, it is National Night Out tonight.  What does that even mean and why have I never heard of it before?  Is it a Sacramento thing?  Our apartment complex is doing some shindig for it (I'm not going because I am husbandless because he's in class, and somehow it just seems weird).

So anywheys, this last weekend we went to LA to see Troy and Melody Rankin tie the knot, and spend all hours in a whirlwind of hanging out with cool people.  It was SO GOOD to see such good friends and SO refreshing.  It was fun to hang out with other couples too.  One of the highlights of the trip for me was spending time with ma cherie Jenny who is getting hitched in December.  I am her Matron of Honor, although I hardly consider myself a Matron.  I have no children and I wouldn't call myself matronly... would you?  Hm... maybe don't answer that.  But anyways, Saturday we were able to buy her super gorgeous wedding dress!  WHAT an honor for me to be there!! YAY!!! We also took an adventure to downtown LA for a bridal shop... we had neither of us been to true downtown LA other than the concert halls.  Let's just say it was interesting and leave it there.  I wish I took more pictures of the whole trip, because then I would share some with you, but alas and woe are we.  No pictures. 

Did I mention we got internet in our apartment?  We are Comcastic now.  It is excellent to have reliable internet again... and it enables me to sit here on the couch and not do laundry.  oops.